Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
