We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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