I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
