ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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