I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
