I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i came on her dog
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
