Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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