Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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