i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
