She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
