can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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