We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
