Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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