barbara walters just said penis...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
