TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
