are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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