In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
