My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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