I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
