i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
