I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
