remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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