Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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