a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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