**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
