he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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