For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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