Umm I'm too high to move.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
