from now on my penis is your penis
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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