Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
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My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
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i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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