Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
