Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
