They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
