so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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