So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it's like heaven, but drunker
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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