I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
