you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
