his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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