But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
