ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize