I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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