Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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