The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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