NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
