I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I need water and some morals
I need to align my fucking chakras
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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