$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
