I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
