I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
