Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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