It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize