Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
And then he peed in my hair
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
