Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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