$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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