i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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