She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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