the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
