I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
