I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
