There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
