I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
