I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
