used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
