guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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