sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
bring money and cleavage
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
